The rain pours heavy and I count the minutes until the biggest one walks through the door. Seventeen. Seventeen minutes until summer vacation and this mama slept no more than two hours last night. While most mama’s dream of lazy mornings, firefly catching and afternoons at the pool, I stayed up late crying and fearing. How many tantrums will occur each day and how many little people will melt-down before noon? Who will be tired and who will get their feelings hurt and who will throw something at their sibling before I have had my first cup of coffee or read even a single verse in the Bible? How many times will I raise my voice before naps and quiet time, even though I vow each day not to? How messy will our house get? One is a toddler without words who wants to be with me all the time, two are preschoolers with big emotions and poor impulse control, and two are in elementary school but act instead like they are on the cusp of adolescence due to past trauma and special needs.
Eleven minutes until summer vacation. I wanted to be better prepared before this happened. Before we would all be together every day, all the time. I wanted to feel like I had room to breath and process and write and study the Word. I wanted to believe that I had enough time to myself, enough time to recharge, enough patience to meet all of their needs.
But I am not enough, I don’ have enough of anything, and summer vacation is long. I don’t want to merely survive the summer with my ragamuffin handful of blessings, I want to enjoy the summer with them- in the sun…at the parks….on the water…in the waves…next to them on slides…. and from behind the lens of my camera. I want to capture all of the quirky moments, laughing with them and hula hooping at their side and painting their noses with chalk and marveling at the glorious amount of time we have to live life together, without breaks.
But in order for that to happen I have to believe that God has given me enough. That He has made me enough for them. That I can give freely of my time and attention because I have enough time for myself. God is a God of enough even when it doesn’t feel that way because He promises to supply all of my needs for the afternoon, the day, the week, the month, and yes even the summer.
Three minutes until summer vacation. I have plans in place, structure to our days, and rhythms to our weeks. I serve a God who equips those whom He calls. And I believe in a Father who promises that He ALONE is enough to meet the needs of our family. Together. In one space. All summer long. With the mantra of Philippians4:19 under my breath at all times I declare peace over the fear that stretches for ten straight weeks ahead of me.
The door opens and my oldest comes sauntering in with stories to tell from her last day of school. She has ended the year well and is clearly excited about the summer adventures that await us together. Zero minutes left until summer vacation, and maybe I am excited about it too. A little.
Philippians 4:19 My God will supply all of my needs, according to his riches in glory.
